About suffering they were never wrong,
The Old Masters; how well, they understood
Its human position; how it takes place
While someone else is eating or opening a window or just walking dully along…
Because I was restless, I took a walk after dinner last night and tonight. I was surprised at how windy it was–it felt good and matched my mood.
A poem by Allen Ginsberg that I once memorized came to me as I walked under the mellow glow of the streetlights.
“Will we walk all night through solitary streets? the trees add shade to shade, lights out in the houses, we’ll both be lonely.
Will we stroll dreaming of the lost America of love past blue automobiles in driveways, home to our silent cottages?”
I am alone, but strangely not very lonely. Right now, solitude is my buddy, and it is in short supply in my work-a -day world. In that way I am very blessed, since the two balance each other in a very yin and yang kind of way.
One area in my life that did not have balance was the part that encompassed my relationship to food. I simply spent way too much time obsessing over what was going to go or not to go into my mouth. The Wu food Project is shifting my thoughts toward health and away from individual dishes.
It’s all been quite freeing, this leave-of-absence from Foodlandia. I had not recognized how absorbed I had become with food in general, whether watching shows on the Cooking Network, reading about food, shopping for food, preparing food or eating food. Now when I see some food that has no merit but all kinds of eye appeal, I switch the channel or turn the page rather than oogle food that I have no business thinking about.
Today was exactly the kind of day that in the past could have become a caloric nightmare.
Crunchy, salty crackers or a cheese-topped pasta bathed in a rich, creamy sauce would have seemed downright medicinal. I would have eaten them, felt better for a moment, and then felt even worse.
Thank goodness for the Wu Food Project!
It has been a long day, the longest day of the year, and it is time at last to lay my head on my pillow.
Goodnight, Adrienne. Mommy loves you.